3:18 PM - Friday, Jan. 06, 2006
Childfreedom
This is a snippet from an article posted on a childfree website that I frequent:
�"The Childless Feel Left Out When The Parents Get a Lift" By Kathleen Murray
1996 N.Y. Times News Service
December 1, 1996
Scott Wenzel considers himself very much a family man. So why isn't he getting along with today's family-friendly workplace?
For starters, it annoys him that what he would pay for health insurance to cover him and his wife subsidizes coverage for married co-workers with children. And with his office cubicle just 50 yards from an on-site day-care center, he is tired of having his phone calls interrupted by squealing toddlers and the clickety-clack of strollers rolling down the hall.
But it was recently, when he took a vacation day after his cat was hit by a car - and he was criticized for it - that he really became upset.
"If I had been staying home because I had a child with even a minor illness, people would have thought nothing of it," said Wenzel, 34, a computer systems specialist with the Social Security Administration in Baltimore. "But the things that matter in my personal life don't cut it in today's work environment. The attitude is `kids are a good excuse; yours is a bogus one.��
I bring this up because my morning experiences of today had me thinking about it. I woke up this morning to Greg leaning over me saying, �Oreo is sick�. He had come home from work to find two puddles of vomit on the living room floor. It was very dark brown and had sparkly bits in it. Sorry for the TMI. We soon found the culprit. Our candy tin was laying in the floor under the coffee table. And Oreo was laying under the Christmas tree (yes it�s STILL up) panting and shaking a bit. Well, that candy dish had been chock full of Hershey�s Dark Chocolate Miniatures. Now it was empty and a few soggy wrappers were strewn around the room. You�ve all seen the commercial�chocolate isn�t good for dogs. It�s not good at all, toxic actually. I know baker�s chocolate is the worst, but due to her age (15), the amount of chocolate(half a bag), and her behavior(panting and shaking), I was moderately freaked out. She is my baby girl and as tough as she has always been, I dread the day when she�ll have to leave me. So any health issue with her is a HUGE drama for me. So I called the vet. He said it was good that she threw most of it up and that she likely just had an upset stomach from too much sweets. He said to watch her closely and try to get her to drink plenty of water. Also, if she wasn�t better by morning, to come by the office for some kind of doggie pepto type medicine. By now it�s almost a quarter till nine and I am sitting by the Christmas tree in my pj�s trying to get her to drink. So I called in to work to let my boss know I�d be a little late, maybe an hour or so. I told him what happened and he told me to take as long as I needed. Yes folks, I have simply darling boss. But it is the first time, believe me. I�ve had loads of problems just like the man in the article did. So actually, I just wanted to take a little moment of gratitude on my journal to document how grateful I am to have an understanding boss. He had two kids, and they get sick ALL the time. I�m always the first to tell him to go on home, I�ll handle things here. He should be able to be with his family when he�s needed. As should I. I don�t mind parents taking off of work to be with their kids, as long as I get the same freedom.
The following are my thoughts. It's a rambling thing and may not make sense to some of you or anyone for that matter! But I needed to vent my feelings and try to work through it a bit, so bear with me.
This is probably on my mind also because we had �the talk� again last night. The kids talk. We are so completely torn is ridiculous. I want to be pregnant�I want a baby. I want a shower, and a nursery, and all the trimmings. I want to be Mommy�to a child that can�t be taken from me�to a child I don�t have to share. Greg wants a child, but not nearly as badly as I do. He would be happy if we had one and happy if we didn�t. He�s a go with the flow kinda guy, lol. Unlike me! My problem is I want BOTH VERY BADLY. I love our life as it is now. I love our freedom. I love the peace and quiet. I love speaking freely. I love being snotfree (haha). I love having tons of ME time. And my two girls (as well as my high maintenance hubby!) give me loads of opportunity to be the caregiver and the nurturer. So why on earth do I want a baby?? Hmmm�uh� Well, I want the experience of pregnancy, the good and the bad. I want to rock my baby to sleep. I want to go to pageants and plays, and little league games. I would be a good mom and would enjoy it. I want to decorate a nursery. I want to teach my daughter how to be a modern independent woman and still be a lady in every sense of the word. I want to pass on my history and share my memories. I want to be looked at with the adoration I once got from my stepdaughter. I want to hear I love you Mommy again. I want to be in the little club that you get membership to when you have a kid--If I am with a group of women, I�m inevitably the only one without children and end up getting talked around and through while the babies are discussed. I want tax breaks. I want people to acknowledge us as a family�right now we are just a couple with dogs. I want to be the hub of the family wheel instead of just two of the spokes branching out from my husband�s family. So I guess, when I think about it honestly, as I just have, my desires for wanting a child lean toward �outside� needs for approval. Whoo hoo, isn�t if fun to psychoanalyze one�s self? If I lived in a world where my doggie babies were considered as important as other people�s human babies�if we were as important in our extended family as the folks with kids are�if I was treated as a mommy instead of �just a dog owner��if things like my dogs not being invited to Christmas didn�t happen�if I didn�t have to have �permission� from my landlord to have more dogs, like people don�t need anyone�s permission to get preggo�if my dogs had grandparents that loved them�if I got a shower and congratulations cards when I adopted a new dog�if the world was like that, then I wouldn�t really need a child. But we all know THAT world is never gonna become reality. I know it won�t, so I�m torn. Can I ever be completely fulfilled without having a child? I guess only I can answer that question, huh?
More on this topic to come�
