10:57 AM - Sunday, Dec. 18, 2005
Kept Away
Greg left this morning to go to his first visit with the kids in almost three years. For any of you who don't know what's been going on for the last few weeks, the ex is letting Greg see the kids on the condition that I not be involved...for now. She won't give any time frame whatsoever for when she might allow me to visit also. I have been MIA on here for the last while because I've been too damn depressed, angry, and just sick of it all and haven't felt like making the effort to write. My head is splitting at the moment. We did have a wonderful time at Natalie's Christmas party last night, but I'm not hungover...the headache is from spending the morning crying my eyes out. I wrapped the kid's Christmas gifts this morning and dotted the paper with drops of tears. I know everyone doesn't understand why this hurts me so much or how I can feel the way I do. I was cleaning out one of my lesser used email addy's a few minutes ago and came across this email that really hit home. It's just a random thing from one of my e-lists, but it was so nice to hear someone understand that I wanted to post the note here.
"I've had the experience from both sides, and saw both the good and the
bad.
I think the main idea that makes these situations work is that the
step-parent has to want to, and be allowed to, treat the kids as their
own.
I was a step-mom, and not allowed to have any input, and I was a
step-kid
whose step-parent stepped right in and was welcomed as a father. It
takes
acceptance/willingness from both the biological and the step-parent to
let
the step-parent be a real member of the family. Otherwise the shit
starts
flying! And that shit hurts when it hits you.
LeAnn
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf Of
[email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 16, 2005 1:54 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [CF] {CF} Dating Parents/stepkids
--- [email protected]> wrote:
> I am not trying to be mean, but I really don't get people who marry
> people with kids and are like "those aren't my children" or something
> like that. When you marry into a family, you become part of that
> family. [...]
I think part of it depends on the age of the kids. My stepdad met my
mom when we were (just turned) 11 and 9. They were married when we
were 14 and 12, so by the time my brother finally went to bootcamp, my
stepdad had been in his life for half of it.
My aunt married my uncle when his kid was 1 year old--Cousin has always
called her and his "real" mom "Mom."
But when my friend Courtney's mother remarried when she was 25, NO WAY
was he her stepdad. He was just her mother's husband.
Frankly, if there are kids involved and you're going to resent them and
shun them, do everybody a favor and break up with the parent.
Amanda"
My stepchildren were 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 when I came into their lives. I haven't been allowed to see them for almost three years. I've never given up on them. I can't. They're mine.
