3:34 PM - Wednesday, Nov. 09, 2005
Stand Back Up
Check out the lyrics to Stand Back Up by Sugarland. I've been listening to my new cd non stop in the car, and that is one song that has really touched a chord in me.
Mom told me that when I was born she almost named me Hope. Sometimes I feel like it was a foreshadowing of my psyche. Throughout my life my heart has been trampled on and cast aside. Why aren't I bitter? I have no idea. Somehow I manage to "stand back up" no matter how hard others have tried to push me down. I'm not bitter, but I'm angry...oh, yes, I am so very angry where my stepchildren are concerened. How do you let go of something so devastating? I have done it before, I'm no longer angry with my abusive ex-husband. I suppose I was able to put that behind me because he is no longer part of my life and never will be. It doesn't work that way when your kids are missing from your life. It's forever. You don't just let go and move on from your kids. So yes, I guess I'll go on being angry until things are put right. What I'm thankful for is that the anger, though present, doesn't darken my life. My anger is contained into a pinpoint of darkness that shoots it's way into the east...the rest of my life may not be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it's certainly not dark! My life is filtered sunlight through foliage and soothing shadows to rest in. When the darkness threatens to grow and move beyond it's pinpoint, the stars come out and it is recontained. My stars...the love of my husband and family, the joy of my two babies, the laughter of my friends...they don't let the dark take over. And at those times when we all get together and send our individual points of darkness into the east as one powerfull beam, it must set about a frightfull chill.
"I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
There's a light that just won't let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up"
