12:50 PM - Friday, Nov. 11, 2005
Understanding Women
I got this sent to me on one of my email lists. It's hilarious...and disturbingly accurate! ;)
Rules When Dealing With Women
Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how
it
works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make
the woman
happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she
dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something
she
expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to
the points
system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings +5
.....in the snow +8
.....but return with beer -5
.....and no liners -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
.....It's her cat -40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College
drinking
buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -10
With breast implants -18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday 0
You buy a card and flowers 0
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.. +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the
colors of your favorite team -10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal 0
The pal is happily married +1
The pal is single -7
He drives a Ferrari -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED) -15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called Death Cop 3 -3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one, too." -800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt that does it" -100
Any other response -20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well,
what do
you think I should do?" -50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -200
And remember... The shelf life of a positive point is about half a
second.
The shelf life of a negative point is approximately twice as long as a
man's
life span.
**** They think they have the "system" all figured out huh ? What they
don't
know is the point standings change ALL the time , and so do the rules
!! LOL
